Mock The Week's Only Book You'll Ever Need
An indispensable guide to life, the perfect gift for anyone interested in Life, the Universe and childish smut. Whether you're eight* or eighty**, this is the only guide to life that you'll ever need.
Includes:
- Bad Things to Hear in a Maternity Ward:
- 'In an attempt to empathise with my wife, I want you to ram this pineapple up my backside.'
- Unlikely Greetings Cards:
- Sorry to hear about your mother. (On the plus side, you can afford that new house, now.)
- Bad Things to Shout During Sex:
- 'Did you hear that? Did they just say England are 81 for 5?'
- Unlikely Things to Read on a Gravestone:
- Fell asleep on 16 August 2004. Unfortunately whilst driving a truck on the M5.
- Unlikely School Report Cards:
- Dear Mr and Mrs Johnson, Boris is a very popular and intelligent boy who should go far, just as long as he's not put in charge of anything complex.
*Probably best not to give this book to an eight-year-old. **Or an eighty-year-old, for that matter.
It's available in all bookshops - good and bad - or you can use your computer to buy it now. Here.
Mock The Week's Funniest Book Of All Time
The bestselling stocking filler returns, though you might want to give granny her Christmas sherry before she looks at it: Mock The Week's Funniest Book Of All Time* is an hilarious, edgy collection of brand new gags from the team behind the popular panel show.
Categories include:
- UNLIKELY DICTIONARY DEFINITIONS:
- arsehopper (n.): small green insect that lives up your arse. I may have misheard this.
- UNLIKELY VILLAGE NAMES:
- Clegg-Under-Cameron; Cock-on-the-Curtain; Tinchy Stryder...
- UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR DURING SCHOOL ASSEMBLY:
- 'This year's Speech Day has of course been ruined by those silly boys who assassinated Mr Bartram...'
- UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON DOWNTON ABBEY:
- 'Mr Bates's leg? He hurt it helping Otis Ferry throw a fire extinguisher off Nelson's Column at a Countryside Alliance march.'
- UNLIKELY CROSSWORD CLUES:
- You won't get this (12, 4, 3, 5)
* This refers only to this and the previous three MTW books, and even that's a matter of opinion...
It's available in all bookshops - good and bad - or you can use your computer to buy it now. Here.
Mock The Week: Next Year's Book
From the makers of the bestselling Mock the Week: This Year's Book comes this laugh-out-loud funny collection of one-liners for, well, the year after.
Jam-packed with near-the-knuckle, quickfire gags, categories include:
- UNLIKELY THINGS TO READ ON THE BACK OF A BOOK:
- 'Incredibly moving, the book of the year' Whizzer and Chips
- BAD THINGS TO HEAR IN HOSPITAL:
- "Can you feel that? You can feel my finger? Do you like it? Does it feel good? Sh*t, the doctor's here."
- UNLIKELY THINGS TO READ IN A ROMANCE NOVEL:
- It was love at first sight - she a beautiful heiress, he a donkey in a hat.
- UNLIKELY BOARD GAME INSTRUCTIONS:
- Having taken the cards out of your rectum, shuffle them and give everyone the maximum they will accept.
- UNLIKELY THINGS TO HEAR ON A PA SYSTEM:
- "Could the man who has just been decapitated in Coach 6 please stop pressing the emergency button."
It is available in all bookshops - good and bad - or you can use your computer to buy it now. Here.
Here are a few sample pages from the book:
Mock The Week: This Year's Book
Following on from the huge success of last year's bestseller 'Mock The Week: Scenes We'd Like To See' comes the hilarious 'Mock The Week: This Year's Book'. 160 pages of brilliant, brand new 'Scenes We'd Like To See' in the style of the hit show.
From the ingenious 'unlikely things to read on a motorway sign' to the frankly bizarre 'unlikely things to find written on toilet paper packaging', This Year's Book promises to be the funniest yet. Dip in and enjoy lines like these:
- UNLIKELY OBITUARIES:
- Died suddenly and peacefully on an electric chair at the New York State Penitentiary
- UNSUCCESFUL JOB APPLICATIONS:
- You must hire me, before I kill again
- CARDS YOU NEVER SEE IN A NEWSAGENT'S WINDOW:
- Child minder available - he may be small, but he's rock hard
- UNNERVING THINGS TO HEAR IN A MEDICAL EXAM:
- "So, how bad is this premature... eearrghhh!"
It is available in all bookshops - good and bad - or you can use your computer to buy it now. Here.
Mock The Week:
'Scenes We'd Like To See'
The brilliantly funny book to accompany the hit BBC2 show Mock the Week - the humour bestseller of 2008!
Scenes We'd Like To See is the very first Mock The Week book, published to coincide with the end of the sixth series of the hit BBC2 comedy show. From gloriously rude 'Unfortunate names for race horses' to 'Unlikely personal ads' and lines that (sadly) never appeared in the Harry Potter books, Mock The Week - Scenes We'd Like to See is the fastest, funniest read of the year: a bumper book of all-new razor-sharp one-liners, including:
- UNLIKELY MEDICAL LABELS:
- No rabbits were harmed during the testing of this product - but the rats were less lucky.
- GREETINGS CARDS THAT WOULDN'T SELL:
- Happy New Breasts!
- UNLIKELY HOROSCOPES:
- You will go to your bedroom window and stand there naked for a minute, and you will do this especially if your name is Mrs Hughes and you live at 56, The Avenue, Clapham... around 3.30 would be best for me.
- UNLIKELY LINES FROM A NEW HARRY POTTER BOOK:
- 'I've turned my cock into a frog!' squealed Ron in terror
You can get 'Mock The Week: Scenes We'd Like To See' from the publishers directly. Simply buy the book on their website here - it's the perfect stocking filler! Postage costs £1 to the UK and £2 to all other countries.
Here are a few sample pages from the book:
Only Book You'll Ever Need
Funniest Book Of All Time
The Book For Next Year
The Book For This Year
The Book
