Mock The Week

The Poll

Mock The Week's Political Gaffes Poll 2006

With hundreds of your votes cast and counted we can now reveal that the accolade of biggest political gaffe of the year goes to... George Galloway for his appearance on Big Brother.

George may of course be ruing the fact that the Poll started just days before the conference season. Who knows what the result would have been if we were able to include Cherie's monumental "that's a lie" uttered by the first lady of Downing Street when leaving the Labour conference just as Gordon Brown was declaring that working with Tony Blair was a privilege.

Nevertheless here is the rundown of all the political gaffes that you the public voted for, just to remind us what a klutzy year it's been - thanks again for taking part.

1. Gorgeous George - George Galloway (300 votes)

   Tired of praising Saddam Hussein's 'strength and indefatigability' and berating 'lickspittle' U.S. senators, Respect MP 'Gorgeous' George Galloway decided to take time out of his day job and enter the Celebrity Big Brother house to 'get his message across' to the viewers. He proceeded to dance robotically in red lycra and impersonate a cat in the lap of actress Rula Lenska... message received and understood, George.
2. Mr John Prescott (278 votes)

   2006 has been a positively vintage year for the New Labour bruiser. He kicked off in determined style in January, when it emerged that the minister responsible for council tax forgot to pay it for his grace and favour apartment in Whitehall. He rode that out, only to become the victim of the most unlikely and unsavoury kiss and tell since toe-sucking David Mellor and his alleged Chelsea kit. As details of his tryst with P.A. Tracey Temple emerged, we got to see the D.P.M. lustily unbuttoning his shirt at a Christmas party, heard about romps in his office with the door open and endured unfavourable comparisons of his genitalia with a cocktail sausage. This would be enough for most people in a calendar year, but he ploughed on, creating a storm by idling with a croquet mallet at his country estate when he was supposedly running the country, enjoying an undisclosed stay at the ranch of an American billionaire bidding to open Britain's first super casino, and, of course, describing the President of our most powerful ally as 'crap'.
3. Blind Man's Bush - President George W. Bush (252 votes)

   This year has been relatively quiet for the rootin' tootin' Texan and indeed, he has displayed some uncharacteristic self-awareness in claiming his use of language such as 'bring it on' and 'I want bin Laden dead or alive' might not have been helpful in the Iraq conflict. There were minor insults to Canada (he annoyed their P.M. by constantly calling him 'Steve') and some amusing chit chat with Tony Blair at the recent G8 when their microphones were left on and we learnt that 'Yo Blair' was a usual greeting, the P.M. had bought him a lovely jumper and that Hezbollah's activities in Lebanon were 'shit'. However his best entry to our list so far this year was his lengthy ridiculing of journalist Peter Wallsten for having the temerity to ask him a question at a press conference wearing sunglasses. Mr Wallsten has Stargardt's Disease and is legally blind. Mr Bush had to apologise.
4. Boris Johnson's Extraordinary Tackle (232 votes)

   This year it was nothing to do with Boris' extra marital shenanigans at The Spectator, but his tackle was once again a national talking point. A charity football match between England and Germany 'Legends' at the Madejski Stadium in Reading for some reason saw the Conservative M.P. for Henley called up. Confessing to being 'more of a rugby player', he charged around enthusiastically enough as a second half substitute until performing a manic lunge at the groin of German number six Maurizio Gaudino. "I intended no malice, I was going for the ball with my head which I believe is a legitimate tactic."
5. One Man And His Bike... And Driver - David Cameron (165 votes)

   David Cameron is the fresh new face in British politics. Dave's an ordinary bloke, he likes The Killers and The Smiths, he won't say if he took drugs as a student, he appears on Jonathan Ross' show, and like any other ordinary bloke, he went to Eton and Oxford and is a member of a gentleman's club. Well, one thing you can say about Dave is he does all he can for the environment: 'Vote Blue, Go Green' he says and to prove it, he cycles from Notting Hill to Westminster every day... closely followed by his official driver in his car as he can't carry all his papers on his bike... um... gosh, we're not quite there yet are we chaps?
6. The Long Goodbye - Tony Blair (112 votes)

   The infamous dinner for two at Granita has dogged both Tony Blair and Gordon Brown throughout the last ten years of New Labour success. With the P.M. still refusing to announce a date to leave, an hilariously grandiose document from his communications department was leaked, claiming the P.M. should go like 'the star who won't play the final encore', leaving 'with the crowds wanting more' and end with a blitz of visits around the country and high profile media appearances on shows such as Blue Peter and Songs Of Praise. It sparked a Brown orchestrated mutiny of junior minister resignations and letters demanding the PM stand down.
7. Dead Eye Dick - Vice President Cheney (104 votes)

   The American military are well known for their 'friendly fire', it's one of the reasons they are so popular. Earlier this year, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney provided some of his own, during a quail hunting trip in Texas he accidentally shot Harry Whittington, a 78 year old lawyer, in the face and body with buckshot from about 30 yards.Whittington had rudely 'failed to alert' Cheney to his presence when the trigger happy V.P. was firing at a covey of birds.
8. The Lib Dem Leadership Election - Mark Oaten and Simon Hughes (93 votes)

   The story that had everything: after 'Champagnes Charlie' stepped down, several faceless Liberals stepped forward and proved anything he could do wrong, they could do wronger: Mark Oaten dropped out of the race after allegations of 'sexual acts too horrible to describe' with a football kit wearing rent boy, he was followed into oblivion by Simon Hughes whose own gay past came back to haunt the man who had stood on 'a straight ticket' against Peter Tatchell to get into parliament. This left the party with a choice between a man old enough to have competed in the Olympics before steroids were invented and a shadowy millionaire called Chris Something...
9. Not Fit For Purpose: Mr Clarke & The Home Office (74 votes)

   At the height of the Prescott troubles, Home Secretary Charles Clarke made things even more uncomfortable for the P.M. when he was forced to admit his department had 'taken its eye off the ball' regarding the release of foreign prisoners in this country. 1,023 had left prison and not been considered for deportation and to make matters worse, Clarke claimed he only knew where about '100 of the 1,000' were, despite the total including paedophiles, other sex and violent offenders and drug dealers. After initially turning down his resignation, the Prime Minister disposed of Clarke after poor local election results and replaced him with John Reid, who claimed the Home Office he had inherited was 'not fit for purpose'.
10. P.C. P.C. - Sir Ian Blair (68 votes)

    Britain's top cop, Sir Ian Blair, the third entry by a Blair on our list is a man frequently portrayed as a trendy thinking bungler presiding over a heavy handed and increasingly trigger happy force. The Oxford graduate kicked off in spectacular style in January labelling the press as 'institutionally racist' and claiming 'almost nobody' could understand why the Soham murders had become such a big story. In May it emerged he had secretly taped telephone conversations with the Attorney General amongst others and facing daily criticism over his men's handling of terror operations and serious crime, he caused uproar by claiming that policing was now so effective that residents in a Haringey block now felt they could leave their front doors open, a boast none of the actual residents felt compelled to back up.
11. Beyond Our Ken - Mr Livingstone (64 votes)

    Unusually for a man with a reputation for encouraging political correctness, Ken Livingstone, the newt-breeding Mayor of London has found himself making increasingly inflammatory statements in recent years and 2006 saw him suggesting Trevor Phillips, the black chairman of the Campaign for Racial Equality should join the BNP, and advising the Indian-born business men of Baghdadi Jewish descent, David and Simon Reuben, to 'go back to Iran and see if they can do better under the Ayatollahs'.
12. Hewitt's Annus Mirabilis - Patricia Hewitt (48 votes)

    In the middle of the Prescott/Clarke affairs, Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt decided to claim that the NHS - facing a £600m deficit and losses of 7000 jobs - had just had 'its best year ever'. Shortly afterwards she was heckled and booed throughout her speech to NHS employees in Bournemouth and faced calls for her resignation.
13. Keeping It In The Family - Dr Ian Gibson M.P. (39 votes)

    Norwich North's M.P., Dr. Ian Gibson, sparked outrage when he suggested that unusually high levels of diabetes in his constituency might be due to people in Norfolk being 'quite inbred with not many leaving the county'. When asked whether he felt his comments would offend people, Dr Gibson, who has a Ph. D. in genetics, replied: "Probably - but they are inbred".
14. Cherie's Trifles - Mrs Blair (39 votes)

    As a prominent QC and self-proclaimed 'bolshie Scouser', Mrs Prime Minister seems to invite media criticism and, whilst the press lynch mobs have been quieter this year, her unfortunate decision to bolster Labour funds by signing copies of the Hutton Report into Dr David Kelley's death to sell didn't go down too well, especially when it emerged that more than £7,000 from party coffers went on maintaining her hair during last election campaign.
15. From Russia With Love - The British Secret Service (36 votes)

    We may have produced James Bond, George Smiley and Alex Rider, but MI6 displayed a distinct lack of 'intelligence' during their Russian operations earlier this year. Our men in Moscow allowed themselves to be filmed downloading information into a transmitter disguised as a rock in a park in the city. Russia confiscated the rock and displayed it to the media launching a diplomatic row.
16. The Italian Knob - Silvio Berlusconi (36 votes)

    Flamboyant, bandana-wearing billionaire Silvio Berlusconi curiously failed to win another term as Italian P.M. despite likening himself to Jesus and Napoleon, describing left wing voters as 'bollocks' and claiming Chinese Communists used to boil babies and use them as fertiliser. At least, he bowed out gracefully, labelling his successor, Romano Prodi, an 'idiot' and alleging electoral fraud.
17. Liberal Drinking - Charles Kennedy (35 votes)

    References to Charles Kennedy's favourite pastime were usually met with complaint and denial, but, pressurised by party colleagues worried by 'The Cameron Effect' and about to be exposed by ITN, the cuddly Liberal Leader finally confessed to a drink problem and triggered a leadership election, opening a Pandora's Box of scandal and factions from which the party is still recovering.
18. Vlad the Embracer - President Putin (34 votes)

    He might have wise-cracked his way through the G8 summit at the expense of Tony Blair and George Bush, but Russia's poodle owning hard line President Vladimir Putin, caused something of a stir when walking through a crowd in Moscow. Seeing five-year-old Nikita Konkin, 'an innocent boy and a very nice little boy', Putin was so moved as to kneel, lift up the boy's shirt and kiss him on the stomach. He justified his act thus: "I wanted to touch him like a kitten and that desire of mine ended in that act."
19. 12th Of Never - Jack McConnell M.S.P. (34 votes)

    Scotland's First Minister, Jack McConnell faced criticism after letters sent from his office to Nationalists campaigning to have St Andrew's Day declared a public holiday, referred to the saint's day as falling on the 31st of November, a day not only incorrect but non existent!
20. Republican Party Reptile - Senator Conrad Burns (15 votes)

    Montana's Republican Senator Conrad Burns caused controversy when he claimed that "terrorists drive taxi cabs in the daytime and kill at night". The 71 year-old also suggested, incorrectly, that his house painter, 'a nice little Guatemalan man', might be an illegal immigrant. He was also forced to apologise after accusing a fire-fighting team, which had driven 2000 miles to help contain a fire, of doing a 'piss poor job'.