The Show
Here are some exclusive photos from the last few series of the show. Click on the thumbnails to view them:
The Games
Examples of games from Mock The Week:
Scenes We'd Like To See (series 5, show 8)
In this game the performers are given a scenario and have to act out appropriate, or even inappropriate suggestions. In this case...
THE WORST THING TO SAY WHEN RUNNING FOR U.S. PRESIDENT- Frankie
- I intend to withdraw from Iraq, and invade some real pussies... like Spain.
- Hugh (in a red-neck accent)
- Hi there, I'm like George Bush, only less intelligent
- Frankie
- I will never forget the terrible events of 9/12.
- Ed
- Now I know what you're thinking, a Sagitarrius for President? But I have Leo rising.
- Andy
- Yes, I've smoked marijuana, and I inhaled... just now.
- Frankie
- There are no skeletons in my closed, just a black latex dildo suit.
- Hugh (as Jimmy Savile)
- I would like you to call me... President... Showaddywaddy
- Frankie
- I have a magnificent war record - it's 'Pipes Of Peace' by Paul McCartney.
- Ed
- Whilst at college I did experiment with marijuana. I did it in snow, I did it in sleet, but I did not in hail.
Scenes We'd Like To See (series 5, show 4)
In this game the performers are given a scenario and have to act out appropriate, or even inappropriate suggestions. In this case...
UNLIKELY LINES TO HEAR ON A SCIENCE PROGRAMME- Frankie
- After working on the equation for thirty years, Professor Stephens made an incredible discovery - his wife had left him and he'd wasted his life.
- Hugh
- The trade in human organs is shocking - this kidney cost me nearly a tenner.
- Andy
- Today we're going to be making a bomb using chapatti flour and hydrogen peroxide.
- Frankie
- Which is faster, a dog or a crossbow bolt?
- Jo Caulfield
- And that's how God created the world in seven days.
- Russell
- I escaped from a petri dish! What am I?!
- Andy
- Hello. My name's Jade Goody.
- Frankie
- And that is how we can prove that aluminium is gay.
- Hugh
- A cure for acute depression may be just around the corner. Oh here it is - a train.
- Frankie
- And, as the mighty lion shakes the life out of this tiny gazelle, I feel strangely horny.
- Adam
- Well, that test was conclusive - cats have one life.
Scenes We'd Like To See (series 2, show 5)
In this game the performers are given a scenario and have to act out appropriate, or even inappropriate suggestions. In this case...
UNSETTLING THINGS TO HEAR FROM THE COCKPIT OF A PLANE- Gina
- Thank God we're flying, I'm too pissed to drive.
- Frankie
- We're about to experience a little bit of turbulence, and then a lot of falling.
- Rory
- This is the captain speaking, we're out at the moment, please leave a message after the tone.
- Hugh
- Don't panic, just think of it as landing more vertically than normal.
- Frankie
- Help me with my seatbelt Abu, I can't do it with this damn hook.
- Hugh
- OK Captain Thomas, when I tap the windscreen, I want you to stop.
- Rory
- (simply hums Wagner's 'Flight of the Valkyries' from 'Apocalypse Now')
- Frankie
- If you look out over the right wing, you'll see the burning remains of the left wing.
Scenes We'd Like To See (series 2, show 4)
In this game the performers are given a scenario and have to act out appropriate, or even inappropriate suggestions. In this case...
WHAT YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR A PRIME MINISTER SAY- Frankie
- Gordon, I've discovered how to make myself immortal.
- Rory (as David Blunkett)
- Well, who'd have thought it?
- Hugh (as Sir Winston Churchill)
- Unfortunately we have received no such undertaking. We are now at war... with Wales.
- Gina
- Oh my God! Oh my God! First Celeb Big Brother, and now this.
- Frankie
- Get me an eighteen inch knife and a hand grenade.I'm sorting this Iraq shit out.
- Andy
- So, there were these two Muslims that walked into a bar...
- Greg
- Oh Mr President you're hurting me.
- Rory
- I'd just like to play you a little song I've written.
- Hugh (as Jimmy Saville)
- Members of the house, the band was Showaddywaddy.
Between The Lines (series 5, show 5)
In this game Frankie Boyle is Conservative party leader David Cameron and Hugh Dennis is saying what he really means.
- Frankie (as Cameron):
- This summer I have put the Tory party back where they belond.
- Hugh
- Third in two bi-elections.
- Frankie
- I have been criticised recently for my poor performances.
- Hugh
- I told the wife it's the stress of the job.
- Frankie
- I'm not worried about the polls.
- Hugh
- They're doing a lovely job in my kitchen.
- Frankie
- We Tories believe that marriage is the ideal.
- Hugh
- A strong man and a woman who will standy by him during allegations about his homosexuality.
- Frankie
- Boris Johnson will make a great Mayor, he has a lot in common with London's first Mayor.
- Hugh
- He's a dick.
- Frankie
- I have taken steps to ensure that I will be the next Prime Minister of this great country.
- Hugh (as Jimmy Savile)
- Dear Jimmy, could you fix it for me...?
Between The Lines (series 4, show 4)
In this game Frankie Boyle is U.S. President George Bush and Hugh Dennis is saying what he really means.
- Frankie
- My fellow Americans, many people are surprised that I've committed another 20,000 troops in Iraq.
- Hugh
- I was surprised, I was only trying to order my Tesco shopping online.
- Frankie
- I admit that there are similarities between Iraq and Vietnam.
- Hugh
- I think they both have a border with Switzerland.
- Frankie
- Some say that the Iraq war is unwinable, but not my closest advisors.
- Hugh
- Chuck Norris, Vin Diesel and the animals of Farthing Wood.
- Frankie
- You'll be pleased to know I've already set a date for our withdrawal from Iraq.
- Hugh
- The year 2525.
- Frankie
- Thanks to me, the war on terror will be won.
- Hugh
- By Al Qaeda.
- Frankie
- Soon the world will be a much safer place.
- Hugh
- I'm retiring in 18 months.
- Frankie
- I remain firmly apoosed to abortion.
- Hugh
- Even though I'm a great advert for it.
Between The Lines (series 2, show 4)
In this game Sandi Toksvig is the Queen reflecting on the anniversary of her 54th year on the throne and Hugh Dennis is saying what she really means.
- Sandi (as the Queen)
- My most loyal and trusted subjects.
- Hugh
- Dear Chavs.
- Sandi
- As one approaches one's 80th birthday, one can hardly believe that one has reigned for quite so long.
- Hugh
- As one approaches one's 80th birthday, Prince Charles cannot believe that one has reigned for quite so long.
- Sandi
- I've tried to be a modern monarch, in touch with all my peoples around the globe.
- Hugh
- High five, big shout out to the commonwealth posse.
- Sandi
- During my reign, I have had many great joys and triumphs.
- Hugh
- Yesterday, I won a seven horse accumulator at Haydock.
- Sandi
- I've also watched the nation change, many a time for the better.
- Hugh
- Except for the trains, they're shit.
- Sandi
- But there have also been times of terrible loss (pronounced 'lawss').
- Hugh
- But there have also been times of terrible LOSS.
- Sandi
- Loss (pronounced 'lawss').
- Hugh
- LOSS.
- Sandi
- I lost (pronounced 'lawsst') things.
- Hugh
- My yacht. My private train. Zimbabwe.
Between The Lines (series 2, show 3)
In this game Rory Bremner is George W. Bush making his State Of The Union Address and Hugh Dennis is saying what he really means.
- Rory (as George Bush)
- My fellow Americans.
- Hugh
- And people of New Orleans.
- Rory
- Last year you re-elected me as President of out great country.
- Hugh
- If you think I'm stupid, what does that say about you?
- Rory
- Last year in the State of the Union Address, I concentrated on domestic issues.
- Hugh
- I didn't want to talk about Iraq.
- Rory
- This year, I'm gonna concentrate on energy.
- Hugh
- I still don't want to talk about Iraq.
- Rory
- See, we face in America, a great energy crisis.
- Hugh
- You see in America, we have created a great energy crisis.
- Rory
- We have to reach an agreement with those countries who exploit the world's resources, India, China, Asia.
- Hugh
- Invade India, China, Asia.
- Rory
- We have to woo ourselves off our addiction to oil.
- Hugh
- I did it with alcohol.
- Rory
- In conclusion, we have to reduce our dependency on oil by seventy five percent.
- Hugh
- That's nearly half.
You can find more quotes from the show on: